last few days i have been travelling to my proposed college.from my home to there thats a big journey.around 12 hrs I was on the road.any way i like travel a lot.I am so crazy about travel.More than this, travelling gave me ample time to be with god.
when ever i travel i pray rosary and apeak to god .this time iwas contemplating about the birth of jesus in the manger.the very special thought which came to my mind is that how much mother mary accept her real life situation.She knew that she is the mother of god.But she never demand any thing.She never critisize her husband in his inability to find a place for to deliver the son of god.
Here she accepts what god kepts for her.But in my case i dont have such quality.I am a person who demands from god.Here she relys on the providence of god.
I do pray to god and have good relationship with god.But i know i dont change.I am also looking for goodone in everything.Even in the case of my admission in the college i looked for the standard and great college.But God shown me one that was not in my thoughts.I asked him why this .that was his plan .then i came to know his plan was great.
i do pray to god i say i have good relationship with god then i qustioned him .what a faith i have in god. How much i rely on god.this shows how much poor i am in my obedience to god.and i simply ask god qustion ,why?i pray to god,i go to church,means i am good. what a proud i am.all my prayer leads me to proudness. i prayed for my sake thats what happend in my life.i didnot think that god is worthy for all adoration and for his sake i have to be with him and glorify him.But i pray to glorify my self,to get seat in the paradise not for the glory of god.sorry my lord. i know i am nothing ,because of yourgrace now i am hereLord change my heart oh lord,change me now
Even in the case of future life my interest was in foreign visa. not in indian job.LOrd i ask u change me .and teach me to content with what i have.
I may mary a girl who is working in abroad but dont mary one who does the same job in india.yes that much only i love the god ,i love the other one. because i am relying on visa and money .i am not rely on my god completely.
Any way u have given me the in sigt that is changing my life.mother mary teach me to live as you lived and as rely on god.teach me to accept others failures and inabilities with an understanding heart.
be with me all ways my god .thank yopu lord.
your jeril.amen
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