Lord God you know that I love others..But Lord I have come to know that I am wrong.. Actually I didn't love others...Lord You know that,Many a time I felt hurt by others...And I was so depressed and annoyed by their deeds...Then the next moment I forgave them in your name from deep inside of my heart.
My dear Jesus ,you know ,I really thought that I could forgave them as you expected from me...
I raised my heart and silently told my self that I am good...
But Lord ,now I know that I am a rotten egg...My heart is a boasting graveyard...Oh God the dark tombs of my pride and the frightening caves of selfishness was my dwelling place...
Lord you came to my life again by sending the Mighty God Holy spirit in to me..
Oh my loving Spirit I thank you so much for explaining me where I am mistaken....
You told me that I never loved any one.....I was simply demanding every thing from others and using them for my needs.
You showed me what is love.....
Love is nothing but to give every thing or ones self for the goodness of others...
The spirit taught me that,,Jesus died for us,,not simply died,,,,Hwillingly died...
He willingly underwent all the torments which can seen in the human life..He became a mockery for the world..He himself allowed to be called as a curse of God..The God himself...called as curse of God..
He was forsaken by every one...He was beaten by all...He underwent all the mental agony a human being can go through in this world...
Jesus knew that,these people will not love him and accept him as their God....
Still he was ready to become a sacrifice in order to save them.....He didn't expect any thing from the human being..Their love,, consideration ,care and companionship...
He just simply gave his life,comfort,time,position,dignity and his time with God the father......In order to obey the Father and gave him glory.......
He could forgive them...He had the right to utter that word.....Why.......Because he did not expect any thing from others and did not receive any thing from them...But they killed Him....So he was selfless...There is nothing in demand......In that business Jesus actually didn't have anything to demand ..He knew he was loving them.....So he prayed and begged to the father to forgive them...But he didn't have anything in his mind,,,,Thats why he said that to father...Father might not forgive them...But Jesus loved them sincerely ,so he didn't expect any thing from others, as a good treatment or painful treatment,,,even he didn't bother about if they think of him or not......
His only consideration was just to pour out all his love to them that's all,,,,,,,,,,
So he didn't feel hurt in his heart....So for Him there was no need of forgiving them......
My Jesus,, you know ,,I say I am your follower and be proud of that......But really I am not..I am only a traitor....
What I did was I was simply demanding everything from others..Their care,protection ,good words and deeds,,their appreciation and reputation every thing...I demanded,others actions and responses should come on the way I designed.If that not,then I did get annoyed and angry.......
Then blindly from my artificial spirituality I forgave them in Your name.......
I am a fool of my own thoughts.....I am the white painted tomb you mentioned in the Bible...
Now I think of getting married...I wanted get a girl who can love me sincerely and understand me....A girl who is much compatible with me......
I am wrong.......Lord Love is not receiving but giving..... So I should not search a girl who can love me sincerely and understand me......Rather i should get married only to love my girl ...not to be loved by her.....only to understand her ,not to understood by her......
Lord help me ,,please help me to love....I cant really....................I am a failure..............But my Loving Spirit teaches me to love others..........Oh Christ my Rock,,,hahahaha thank you for being for me.......
ur jeril.........amen..................
